


Lie Detector

by MeltedIceAngel



Category: Buzzfeed: The Try Guys
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Mental Breakdown, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 14:44:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10969392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeltedIceAngel/pseuds/MeltedIceAngel
Summary: His heart hurt in a way he hadn’t realized it could hurt. He knew Ned, Keith, and Zach cared about him. Deep in his heart he knew, but did the extent truly matter to him that much?





	Lie Detector

Eugene was embarrassed. 

Pissed off, embarrassed, and ready to bury his head into his pillow and never wake up again. The man had known that the lie detector test was a bad idea, and true to his instincts, it was. Eugene didn’t enjoy opening up to other people, in fact, he hardly entertained opening up to himself. That’s why when he walked into where John had set up the lie detector, he practically prayed his friends would be as crude as usual with their questions. He could handle anything you threw at him about sex, who he liked better, what he genuinely thought about other people. When it came to himself, that was where the problems started. 

“Eugene, do you know how much the three of us care about you?” 

“No.” Fuck. How could he have let himself think that they wouldn’t ask him a question like that? Even back when they did the therapy video they had pried relentlessly into the cracks in his walls, begging him to open up to them. Fortunately, he could steer the question into an answer he had already spoken many times on film, and keep the rest of his fucked up problems to himself. The other three had left the topic alone after that, content with the answers he gave. With this, he couldn’t have lied even if he wanted to.

“We’ll have to be better about that.” Keith had whispered, his voice quiet and sad, almost broken. Nothing like he’d ever heard in all the time he’d known the man, and it was all because of him. Eugene had practically stormed out of the room once the video was over, the other men most likely too confused to run after him. Eugene barged into the bathroom, hands balled up into fists and pressing hard into his eyes. He would not cry. He wasn’t five years old anymore, he could handle himself.

For a minute, he couldn’t. His heart hurt in a way he hadn’t realized it could hurt. He knew Ned, Keith, and Zach cared about him. Deep in his heart he knew, but did the extent truly matter to him that much? They were friends. They made videos together, coworkers. Nothing more. He’d overheard Keith calling Zach and Ned brother in the past, patting them on the back and giving them hugs. Eugene is sure the others had done similar to him, but for a moment, all he could picture were the three doing it to each other. He wasn’t truly apart of them, he had never been apart of something greater than himself. It had always been about him, no one else. He had to be the best, he had to prove to everyone he was worth something. How could he share the process and glory with other people? 

But he wasn’t the best. He’d admitted it today. “Do you think you’re the best Try Guy?” No. He wasn’t, and that was the truth. His insecurity was threatening to swallow him whole, and he couldn’t do anything about it. How had he gotten through it before? Bottle it up and move the Hell on. Pretend it never happened and plaster that smile on his face. 

“This is so fucked.” Eugene whispered, his hands coming up to rest against his head. He was going insane, truly, 100% insane. It was ridiculous that he couldn’t hold his emotions in. His pointless, stupid emotions that meant absolutely nothing but the fact he was weak. He didn’t even realize he was crying until he opened his eyes, staring at himself in the mirror. When had he closed his eyes? When had he started crying? When did he suddenly lose control of every little bit of pain he had hidden in his mind? 

Eugene couldn’t remember the last time he stared in the mirror, looking back at himself with so much self disgust. He was afraid of his own thoughts, his own opinions of himself. He had worked so hard to shield them away, giving him enough time to forget and truly try his best to create a new image of himself without the influence of all the rest. He was supposed to be able to fool the entire damn world, fool himself into believing that he was normal. That nothing bothered him except his sisters and the competitive nature of their relationship. That bullies in school tortured him until his self esteem fell so low he didn’t think it would ever recover. Why was this whole “I don’t belong” thing popping up again? 

“Eugene?” He heard Zach call, a small knock on the door. The Asian man wiped angrily at his still wet face, throwing the thought away as a lost cause as Zach opened the door. His face was sad, guilty, and he couldn’t stand seeing it. 

“Are you okay?” Zach had asked, and Eugene almost laughed. Had he ever been? 

“I don’t know what’s wrong.” Eugene cried, and for once, he felt his walls begin to crumble. Little pieces, nothing more than specks of dust flying off the solid concrete until his face was buried in his hands, small sobs escaping his lips. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to know.” Zach said, placing a comforting hand on Eugene’s arm. The other knew that Zach was most likely confused, shocked, unaware of how to handle Eugene in a state like that. He couldn’t blame him, Eugene hardly knew what to do with himself in that moment. 

“You need to stop explaining away your pain.” Zach whispered, Eugene’s head shaking in response. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t handle all of this crashing down on him right now. All because of some stupid video that would go up on YouTube so people could laugh at how funny he is. 

“Are you ashamed of how you feel?” 

“Don’t make me say it.” Eugene cried, hands pressing hard into his eyes again. Zach simply wrapped his arms tightly around the other man. Eugene was shocked at first, breath hitching as he slowly wound his arms around Zach. Maybe this is what he had been missing. All the hugs they’d given him, all the playful slaps on the back, grabbing his hand as they walked through a shop on one of their days off. That had all been fine, but he’d never been comforted by one of them before. He’d seen Keith hold Zach through his insecurity induced fits, or Zach wrap an arm around Ned when he and his wife got into a fight. He’d never been on the receiving end of one of those comforting gestures. 

“Come on, I think Keith and Ned are ready for an intervention.” Zach chuckled, and Eugene smiled back at him. Maybe this was what he needed. Maybe he really couldn’t understand how much the rest of them cared about him, until he let them care about him.


End file.
